Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Welcome Back!

So it's been awhile. I've returned from Ohio, brimming with reports. I haven't downloaded my pictures yet so for now i have to hold off on discussing my recent encounters with the crunchwrap.

that said, for today I will leave you letter a friend found on McSweeney's:

May 3, 2006

Hello, darling,

They tried to keep us apart, but true love can never be separated for long.

When I first met you, I was younger and more naive. I figured everything from Taco Bell tasted alike. They were all just variations of the same ingredients. How wrong I was. I tried you on a whim. You didn't seem like anything special. But you were new, and I was hungry. So I ordered you, oblivious to the delight you would bring to my inexperienced mouth.

It was love at first bite. (Pardon the pun, my dear—you have no idea the effect you have on my ability to articulate.) The second your tortilla met my lips, I knew there was no turning back. You had it all! In one compact package, no less. You had the flexibility of a flour tortilla, the firm crunch of a corn tortilla, the freshness of lettuce and tomatoes. Your patches of sour cream were necessary and well spaced. You had meat. Oh, did you have meat. And encompassing all of your features was that nacho-cheese sauce that I can't get enough of. Most importantly, you catered to my obsessive-compulsive need to have my food be tidy. With all those messy ingredients, I could still hold you with one hand and drive with the other. No napkin needed. I could hardly believe how the stars had aligned to bring us together. It had to be fate, my love.

From that day on, there could be no other. You were my world. When I was hungry, it had to be you. But, as with any good relationship, I grew comfortable. Complacent. And (for this, darling, I hope you can one day forgive me) I began to take you for granted. You were always there when I needed you, and I began to appreciate that less.

I had no idea how deeply I had fallen for you until the terrible day came when you were no longer available. I stood in line, waiting patiently for you like I'd always done. But when I said your name, the cashier responded, callously, "Limited-time item, sorry." My eyes burned like fire sauce as I fought to keep back tears. I didn't even have time to say goodbye!

I would still go to Taco Bell occasionally, ordering a Spicy Chicken Burrito or a Mexican Pizza, but it wasn't the same, and I always thought of you. Only you, my love.

Then, just as I was beginning to accept that maybe, just maybe, you had really left me for good, you returned, as unexpectedly as you had entered my life the first time! I found out from a commercial loudly proclaiming, "The Crunchwrap Supreme Is Back!" I could hardly believe my ears. I wanted to rush out and buy you that second, but it was really late and I had to get up early the next day. But you better believe that the next day, when it came time to eat, I craved you. I needed you and I ordered you. Just seeing you again brought all the memories back. The way you smelled. The way you felt in my hand. And, most importantly, the way you tasted.

That first bite, after the long separation, was the closest to heaven that I'll ever be. Darling, I missed you, and I promise I will never take you for granted again. Please don't ever leave me. I'm nothing without you.

All my love,

Roxanne Paris

It's a touching letter, isn't it? I felt her tears of hot sauce stream down my face as I imagined the heartbreak she must have encountered upon realization that the crunchwrap was no more. See, I never had this experience. I rarely strayed from the bean burritoes until this year when the beauty of the crunchwrap managed to catch my attention and hold it until I had no other choice but to order it.

But I do feel the need to contact this Roxanne Paris (that can't be her real name, can it?). How does she eat the crunchwrap while driving? Honestly, it calls into question her entire devotion to the crunchwrap. I can imagine someone loving the crunchwrap as much as she does, but when she lies about how she eats it, I have to wonder: Roxanne, are you a lying crunchwrap whore? Unless...unless she has had so many crunchwraps in her life that somehow she has learned how to eat them onehanded. I think I've finally got a good grasp on eating them so it doesn't end up all over my face, hair, lap, etc., but I never thought about attempting anything more ambitious than that. And I might add, she's never had a crunchwrap like the one I had in Mt. Vernon, Ohio this past Sunday. It was the biggest one I'd ever seen/eaten. There's a reason for that, though...a explanation and story to follow. It's a good one. May it keep you on your tacotoes til I have the opportunity to tell y'all.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

This is not goodbye

So my last post questioned the psyche of the blogger who quits a blog without any farewell or explanation of the cease and desist. We didn't come up with any answers.

And then I disappear from the face of blogspot for 4 days. Were you worried? Did you think I pulled the same s--t as TB dude?

Well, I haven't. I will be back. Last weekend I went to taco bell and have a number of things to discuss/share about the trip. Erin and Anne went to taco bell as well...twice...and at a they have stories and pictures to share as well.

However, due to an excess of this thing called work and this thing called vacation, I will have to wait til post-memorial day weekend to talk about taco bell.

As compensation, not only will I have the aforementioned trips to describe/display, but I will have had a weekend road/reunion trip filled new experiences with beans and fellow taco bell lovers, complete with pictures of the infamous "bar" at the mt. vernon, ohio taco bell. So you might be overwhelmed by all the news next week brings. Prepare yourself with this week's mini-blog break.

Til then, tacospeed.

Friday, May 19, 2006

The Blogger Psyche

For those of you who haven't committed to a blog, I must confess something:

I love it.

For those of you who have, you understand, I know.

I am surprised by the joy I take in writing--or, more often, cutting and pasting, information about Taco Bell into this little box, publishing the post, and "expressing myself". I don't mind if those reading think best way I can express myself is through Taco Bell. Some might think that's "shallow" or "pathetic" or "hungry", but I know there's more to me than that--I just don't need cyberspace to know it. Yes, folks, that's called "security".

Are the quotes getting annoying? If I were talking to you, I would be air-quoting like it was going out of style--which some might argue it has. However, if Shelia in Say Anything was rocking the air quotes in 1989 and people brought it back circa 2000, then we'll call it timeless. I needn't question myself. Ah, "security".

Now to the subject at hand: the blogger psyche.

I came across a blog entitled "Think Outside the Blog".

Its title is a clever riff on "Think Outside the Bun" though, with little analysis, one might think--"but wait, this is a blog so you are thinking within the blog. if you were thinking outside the blog, I wouldn't be reading your blog." details, details.

This fellow blogspot blogger blogged about Taco Bell from February to November 2005. That is a long time! I've done this one since February 2006 and am impressed with my committment and ability to stay on topic ("security"), and I could use this dude as a mentor for continuing my committment and passion to the Taco Bell blog.

But there is a problem. I think he might be either dead or lame.

Here is his last entry:

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

The ole Bell and Chain

My gf, Julie is getting on my case about all the Taco Bell I've been having. Looks like I will cut down on my joint Bell runs. No matter, i am free to indulge in solo runs on work days.

Today, i had two Chalupas, nachos and a large Pepsi.
posted by Think Outside The Blog at
11:15 AM

Now let's analysize the problems with this fellow and his relationship:

1. he should have put a comma after Julie. if Julie isn't his only girlfriend (which i assume she is since she's the "ole Bell and Chain"), then why the comma before her name.
2. do you think he purposely wrote "bell" instead of "ball" or is Taco BELL so engrained in his mind that Bell just popped out and he didn't even realize his error?
3. if he loves Taco Bell so much then why would he date someone who wants him to ignore/avoid that love. Julie, Julie, Julie: don't you know if he listens to you on this topic that the next time one of his friends or some girly temptress tells him to dump you, he just may since he's obviously prone to giving up true love.
4. Now, to his credit, he does eat A LOT of Taco Bell. Much more than me. Maybe Julie didn't want him to get fat because then she would have to break up with him. Shallow Julie. to fat do you part.
5. BUT now to the heart of the subject. this dude has committed a lot of time to this blog and suddenly he ends it! no "goodbye", no "this is my last post", no "Julie says not only to i have to change my eating habits but i also have to stop blogging on this subject". how does someone do that? I can promise you that if i ever put my TB blog to rest, I will have a farewell posting--probably many. How does one just cut oneself off from a blog without parting words of wisdom or promise of a continued devotion or explanation of the break-up? A blog is not a girl--you can't just leave when things get boring or you find a new blog topic to occupy your time and energy. Please, I need help. I never want to have this dude's mentality. "Security", where are you NOW?

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Dave Reads My Blog

My dad sent me this via email last night:

ON this evening's David Letterman Show, one section of the show includedan identify-the-speaker section. Dave would read the quote and Paul wouldtry to guess the speaker. Thus:

Dave: "I know it's dangerous but I'm going to make a run for the border."

Paul: "Well that must be one of the undocumented immigrants."

Dave: "No, it's Dick Cheney heading out to Taco Bell."

Okay, maybe i am not the only person who remembers the pre-"think outside the bun" slogan, but i like to think that dave read my blog tuesday and hence this little bit on the show last night.

so: hi dave.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Irving, California

What do you think goes on in this think tank? Arguments about slogans and new bean inventions? after tough meetings, they all hash it out over some pickings from the big value menu? do people sit around saying, "i hate my job" or "this cafeteria blows"?

who cares--is that huge taco bell sign a beautiful thing? if i had to see that from a window in the office building across the street, i would be in TROUBLE, i.e. drooling.

Back to Basics: The Crunchwrap

It's been a whirlwind of a week, I know: two nights of new Grey's Anatomy, Dubya taking to the airwaves, and The Onion blowing it up last week.

So I am going to take a deep breath and remember what this blog is all about. Breathe in. Bean burritoes. Breathe Out. Crunchwrap. In. 7-layer burritoes. Out. Mild Sauce. In. Beans. Beans. Beans. Out. Cheese Cheese Cheese.

Feeling better? Feeling hungry?

okay. so has the tagline "serious about snacks". they ain't joking. i want to freelance for them, too, but it probably doesn't pay. hmmm....i should look into that.

anyway, here is a review on the crunchwrap--written soon after the reintroduction of the crunchwrap. Reviewer Keith Shaw, secretary of snacks, gets some things just right. but others--not so much. we'll discuss. first:

Geometry and tacos together at last
By Keith ShawSecretary of Snacks


I used to think that Taco Bell tries too hard to find new ways to present new variations of either the taco or the burrito. I mean, really, do people need to eat a Gordita?

But with last year's Crunchwrap Supreme, they hit a home run by taking a basic Taco Supreme (taco meat, lettuce, tomato, sour cream), replacing the grated cheese with nacho cheese sauce, adding a crunchy taco shell and then wrapping the whole thing up in a flour tortilla. But the flour wrapper isn't just a pretty covering — it's actually folded into a nice hexagon and then "grilled" so that the shape holds its form.

I had two experiences with the Crunchwrap Supreme when it first came out — one good and one bad. The bad experience happened when the people at the Taco Bell overgrilled the flour tortilla and it gave a burnt taste to the whole thing. (Advice: If the tortilla looks burned, ask for one that isn't grilled as much.)

But then Taco Bell stopped selling the Crunchwrap, causing us great grief for a few months.

Luckily, the item is back at Taco Bell restaurants (as well as the KFC/Taco Bell, our favorite fast-food marriage of companies). But we don't know for how long, so if you've got a Jones for one, better head out now.

So why do I love the Crunchwrap Supreme? Generally, I've always enjoyed the regular Taco Supreme, as it's basically a taco with the addition of sour cream. With the Crunchwrap, replacing the regular grated cheese with a nacho cheese sauce was brilliant — more cheese equals more enjoyment in my book.

Secondly, holding the Crunchwrap Supreme in your hands is pretty easy to do, you basically start at the top and work your way down. This also holds has more structural integrity than a regular taco — I've yet to figure out a way to eat a taco from the side without having the filling spill out onto my plate. It's easier to keep all the meaty and cheesy goodness inside the protective tortilla wrapper without having everything end up on your tray.

Now, Taco Bell suggests in its advertising that the hexagon-shaped Crunchwrap Supreme is "Good to Go," which means you can take it on the run with you (and eat it in the car). I'd warn against that — the Crunchwrap is really too big to hold in one hand without risk of the filling spilling out. Take my advice — eat with two hands, and slowly work your way from the top downward.

One last bit of wisdom: Don't make the rookie mistake of ordering something else too, unless you're really, really hungry. The first few times, I ordered the additional items of nachos or an extra taco to go with the Crunchwrap Supreme. I was full before I got to the halfway point of the hexagon. If you finish the 569-calorie Crunchwrap Supreme and are still hungry, then go up and order the other food items. It would be tragic to have to throw out any leftover Crunchwrap Supremes.

Bonus item: If you love the Crunchwrap Supreme as much as I do, you'll want to show the world your love by creating your own T-Shirt. The Taco Bell Interweb site has a design that lets you create such an item.

Reasons I would be friends with Keith Shaw (if he didn't have such a terrible first name):

1. he called it: you cannot eat this sucker in the car, whilst driving. I can barely eat a simple bean burrito in the car without napkins in full force. as previously discussed, one handing the crunchwrap is impossible. we don't even need to consider doing this while at the wheel.
2. along with this notation, keith explains how to eat a crunchwrap. this advice might seem odd to people who haven't had the crunchwrap but those who have can appreciate the inclusion of instructions.
3. he admits the packaging of the crunchwrap, tortilla style, is "pretty".
4. he calls TB out on the foolishness of the "gordita". who eats that?
5. he did some research (i.e. the t-shirt)
6. he likes cheese a lot.

Reasons I am okay with not knowing Keith:

1. he likes the nacho cheese more than the shredded cheese. this calls into question his proclamation of the more cheese the better. he's a quanity, not quality person. yikes.
2. he thinks the TB/KFC pairing is great.
3. he's a wimp: one crunchwrap isn't going to be enough. that's not jonesing on the crunchwrap--it is wonderful but please. you CANNOT order one item at Taco Bell and think you've had a full meal. even if you are full, you CANNOT order one item because there is too much goodness to order. quality and quanity, keith. come on now. you are living up to your name.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Bad news but funny texts

I just read that ABC is moving Grey's to Thursdays. Doesn't that suck? I love the 10 pm Sunday time-slot. booooooooooooooooooo, ABC, booooooooooooooooo.

To make us forget this unfortunate news flash, I want to relay some text messages I received from Erin last night. Unfortunately my phone didn't save the messages I sent so this will be a one-sided conversation. Perhaps whipcreamy has the ones i sent. some of the first ones i sent erin were automatically deleted from my phone. maybe this won't make any sense but that's sorta the point.

Me 2! they better have a good explanation (bailey finding the interns with denny)

Wut is her prob? Does she not like him? (either on christina bailing on burke or, more likely, izzy waiting for denny's heart to stop)

Me 2 wut alex gonna do?

Is den dead?


I don't want him to die! where callie?


Kick her out now! (on izzy)

Ha! I was gonna t u

Cant buy me love

Yes and he was in the movie cbml (i knew this of course!)

So good! way to bring up the affair (chief and meridith in one on one)

Derek wuz a good dog (after doc the dog dies)

And now there's no dog its dead

Days of our fucking lives

Who will it be?

McDream cuz she is self-destructive and he's gonna be like chief

Mitt romney (mass gov) just referenced noahs ark bc of flood (yeah, not grey's but funny and loco)

A hole (on mitt)

Things that made me go sniff sniff last night

I usually cry during Grey's Anatomy. Last night was no exception. Because Anne watched it for the first time and cried her eyes out (see her blog), I thought we (all four people who read this blog and watch Grey's) could share moments that made her shed tears.

here are mine: (in no particular order--it was two hours. i can't remember)

1. doc the dog died.
2. chief's niece talking about being loved/loving whilst they were dancing
3. izzy finding denny dead
4. interns not knowing how to react to izzy now that denny is dead
5. alex telling izzy that denny's body is not him (other stuff said here i previously mentioned)
6. derek telling meridith that he doesn't want to look at her like he does; he wants to look at his wife that way, etc
7. chief's one on ones with
--meridith (talking about his affair with her mom/derek's relationship with addison)
--george, talking about love
--christine wanting to know how she suddenly developed humaneness and wanting to get rid of it, asking the chief how he does it and him not wanting to tell her
--okay, alex didn't make me cry but i really like this part wherein he talks about being on a team and playing by the rules, whether or not you like the people on the team
8. that it's over

no, tears aside: one thing i meant to mention earlier: where are all the patients' friends and family members? no one came to see denny the whole year (exaggeration) he was in the hospital and then getting a heart transplant and what--he didn't know one person who cared enough to visit him? maybe it's best he did die because he might not be a very good person, after all. and burke--where are his people? no one goes to visit him. he was shot and maybe paralyzed. maybe ABC is just skimping on the extras.

Can I Get a "Wozzers"?, Take 2

Holy Taco! Were you all ready for last night's craziness?

Again, I don't know where to begin. The shows put me all in a tizzy.

So the other shoe fell last night: Izzie is officially out as some of us predicted, but it didn't go down exactly as I thought. Her plan to get Denny the heart worked and he survived the transplant and they got engaged (what??) and all was well. The interns weren't talking. And then he died--peacefully. THe scene with her on the bed with him, surrounded by the interns who didn't know what to do was really sad. I loved that Alex went to her, explained the body wasn't Denny, that Denny knew he was loved and he loved her. How Alex knew just want to say, I don't know but I didn't think it was shocking--he's got some good in him. While it doesn't come out a whole lot, we've seen it, and it came at the perfect time in last night's episode. I liked what those high schools girls said about him: "the cute ones are always assholes". Didn't Izzy look beautiful in that pink dress. Oh, it was gorgeous. It really was a great scene. It's hard for me to buy into the real love/marriage thing so maybe Denny needed to die before their relationship stood the test of the real world. I do think they loved each other but Izzy can have a perfect memory of him without it marred by all the other crap that might have come down the tubes. Okay, maybe they would have been happy together and it was sad that he died, regardless. But also--that all that would go down and him survive is pretty unlikely so even though much of these two last episodes lacked the "reality" thing, this was a little bit of "it doesn't always work out" flash that we viewers like to see in tv dramas. even when it hurts. which it did.

Burke and Christine. Yikes. Christine totally freaked. Her interview with the Chief about the person who cut Denny's heartcord was really, really great. Seeing her cry and admit to an emotional pull and vulnerability was something for her to confess. I mean, it threw the Chief off. Of course, he's was off because of his wife's admittion that she knew about his affair forever ago. (how did she keep that in, by the way?). I think that changed his reaction to her--to wanting her to retain whatever "humaneness" she had begun to realize in herself that day. or admitted that day, anyway. But she could not reconcile these feelings when Burke needed her the most. I honestly thought she'd have to break up with him because of guilt. She couldn't give him advice prior to the surgery--couldn't even be by his side, she couldn't help him concentrate during the surgery, and didn't even visit him afterwards. that was a pretty shocking removal from the situation. i don't know how she did it. but what's wrong with him? what did he mean when he said he hasn't told shepard something. something bad? good? who the hell knows. maybe i missed something or maybe that's for next season. he'll be fine, though. he can't leave the show. thank goodness christina came to her senses by the end of the show and went to him. you know me--i am hell bent on those two staying together.

george and meridith: i love love love that he admitted that he was a fault. yes, she's the stronger one and she should have known better but she didn't and he did. he should have know she didn't like him and maybe wanted it to change but can't hold the fact that she didn't against her forever and ever. so yay, they are friends again.

callie scared me again last night. now--do i have this right--she had never told a boy she loved him until george after only knowing him for a few weeks. run, george, run. this is not an izzy/denny situation. i don't understand it and therefore it can't end well. haha. wait, maybe that isn't a correct equation but i am sticking to it anyway.

and finally: meridith and derek. i don't know if i am skipping something...there was so much and i loved all of their interviews with the chief--that was my favorite part of the episode, but now we have to get onto what we've been waiting for all season. yeah, so recently i haven't been a big fan of derek and mer getting together because they've both annoyed the shit out of me. but still, obviously, i can't help but want to see them together, especially after sunday's episode in which meridith talks about how much she loves "him", meaning derek, not the dog, and addison acknowledging to herself, the chief, and everyone that her marriage is probably over because derek just can't love her like he loves meridith. and then the dog dies yesterday and boy was that sad. i think i cried more than meridith. and then seeing derek watch meridith with vet dude (is his name really fynn? fin? add it to the list, anne) they did it in the exam room with vet finn and wife addison outside at "prom", not knowing a thing. i am surprised it didn't happen a long time ago and think the fact that it didn't gives them some credit. i don't know why they didn't have a little discussion first--with each other and wife but so it goes. derek was already cheating in his heart so what's the difference? i think that talk he had with chief about burke being a good and decent person was telling. i think he's felt like a cheater even when he hasn't been cheating so the incentive to physically not cheat was not as present. and meridith loves him and lost her dog and feels a little afraid of "plans" with vet finny so we probably need to forgive them. BUT what is going to happen?

derek seems to be waiting around for meridith at the same time as vet finn. addison left--doesn't he need to go to her for some reason--to tell or not tell. but i think she already knows, having shot meridith a look shortly after derek returned. she's cheated--she knows the signs. so maybe she's outtie. so what is meridith going to do?

if she picks derek, she is picking a married man and who knows what he is thinking. she doesn't seem to want to talk to him about the future. she doesn't want to get hurt again. it's taken her so long to move on and she finally has found someone who is "perfect" for her but she can't let go of derek. of course. so does she force herself to move on with vet finn or put the kabosh on that relationship without knowing if she's giving up on vet for derek who might choose, again, to stay with his wife? i think she is going to pick vet finn (i can't stop calling him that) because she is self-destructive and won't let herself be happy--which she has a chance of being if she picks derek and he picks her. also, this is her chance to pick, it would seem. last time derek had a pick, he picked addison. so maybe she will want revenge. probably not but who knows. erin thinks she is going to pick derek because she is self-destructive and will put herself in another situation wherein she is vulnerable to lots of hurt and rejection.

both are quite likely scenarios. oh, and then ABC will want to keep derek and mer apart for as long as possible to keep people watching and rooting for them to get together. so there's that.

how are we going to last until september/october for another episode?

Make a Run for the Border

In the spirit of Taco Bell's former slogan, let's talk immigration. Okay, no, if I don't enough moments to discuss last night's Grey's, then i mustn't get started on immigration.

Words can't do him justice. So we could stare at this picture and let the hate fester OR we could just laugh. Look at him. or rather: look at this picture. Folks, I am not sure if he is real. He could be a puppet--a real unlive puppet, not just Cheney and Rove's puppet.

I am not making light of this "man"'s address last night because I don't care, but I can't stop evil so I might as well laugh at how funny evil looks.

Monday, May 15, 2006

Can I Get a "Wozzers"?

Last night's Grey's Anatomy:

I don't even know where to begin. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

I needed to get that out of my system.
So to start, I will concede that last night's episode wasn't up to par on the writing/acting level BUT man, who's got time for that with mad shit going down? Like Taco Bell, quality doesn't always matter.

The scene wherein Izzy freaks out and is yelling at Denny that she loves him and she has to get him this hear,t and he has to let her do what she needs to do (i.e. stop his heart) was a little much. I felt badly for the actress because the scene wasn't well written and wasn't well acted, and the whole thing was weird and out of character for her. Yeah, it's not out of character for her to be emotional but to go crazy--well, i wasn't comfortable with it. and seriously, to stop denny's heart. what the hell is she thinking? is this realistic? maybe. maybe Denny's signing the DNR forms sent her over the edge. but seriously--is it time for her to say she loves him? (likewise, why is Callie telling George she loves him already--but yes, we will get to that). so yeah, izzy is going to kill denny or try to but only to save him. quite a situation she has on her hands.

Meanwhile, Alex isn't ratting Izzy out. interesting. he's actually on good behavior. a little surprising but perhaps he realizes that Izzy will be her own undoing so he doesn't need to help or, more likely, this is one of those things where interns stick together--or at least don't bring each other down--because they are "family" as George explained to Callie.

So let's get this Callie out of the way. Why doesn't she like Izzy? Because Izzy looked at her like she was a crazy person when she (Callies) went into Izzy and Meridith's bathroom without wearing any clothes. Uh yeah--that isn't normal, Callie. I know you actually LIVE in a hospital and may not know proper roommate behavior, but in the average roommate household, guests do not walk around naked and peeing in front of roommates and hating the roomies because they think you are whack. Go back to your "apartment" in the hospital hidden hallway, please. And don't tell George that Meridith hurt him more than anyone could hurt anyone because that is bull. She never really gave him an inking that she liked or loved him. He set himself up for that hurt ;and you, Miss Callie, are upset because he's not obsessed with you the way he was with Meridith (not, fyi, a bad thing) and because he still considers Meridith "family". And you have this Dominatrix look going on and now George has that terrible little boy haircut (which you gave him) so you both are creeping me out a bit. Since Erin named her cat O'Malley after George (real life), I have to give him the benefit of the doubt. But not you. I read that in tonight's TWO HOUR finale, you hound George for answers about how he feels about you. News flash: you've been dating for like a month and you've got a lot of people dying in the hospital, including a heart patient an intern is killing and the hospital's top surgeon. Leave the little boy alone for the evening. You aren't going to get any answers you want.

So yeah, I guess I don't like Callie. I just talked that one out.

Now to someone i LOVE. Christine. I love the set up between Burke and her and what's coming down the pipes for them/Burke. Matching Christine in a scene with a fianced couple who's clearly not ready for marriage because the guy's a twit is perfect. Christine, of course, likens Burke to this cad because she's mad at poor Burke--which is unfair to Burke. He would never duck behind her to save himself from a bullet. But she's mad and she's bitter, and she can't keep it in when thrown in between this feuding couple. Then the couple makes up, all kissy face, and girl tells Christine it's easier if she just forgives her boyfriend. In this respect, she is right. Christine thinks she's an idiot, though--and she's right, for seconds later, when bullets are heard, fianced dude, ducks behind fiance again! Yep, in those few hours in the hospital, dude didn't "change" as promised and shouldn't have been forgiven by fiance for duck #1.

But yes, despite her understandable annoyance at this couple, Christine shows her occasional childish tendencies during this episode, and what better to knock her to her senses than Burke shot down on the hospital pavement. oooooooooooooooooooooooooh. he's come back to see Denny's condition before bringing him a heart that rightfully belongs to someone else, Izzy has cut the heart cord (medical terms elude me), Burke is unconscious. Yep, that's right, folks: Wozzers.

And then we have the Meridith/Derek/Addison drama. Lordy, lordy. One week after Derek declares to Meridith that "this thing with us" is over, we see that, surprise surprise, it is not. I felt badly for Addison. In fact, I've felt badly for her in the last few episodes. Is her marriage really over? She says that the only people who don't realize that Derek loves Meridith are Derek and Meridith. But I thought Derek admitted that he loved her. That was a few months ago. If love can come quickly (i.e. Callie, Izzy), I guess we're to believe it can go quickly. Ah, but it hasn't. ANd the episode ends with Meridith telling the vet oh so passionately and sadly how much she loves "him", and we smart viewers know she's not talking about her dying dog. Poor CHris O'Donnell, DVM, does not. He is still cute, though. Oh, and everyone in the hospital hears Addison yelling at Derek about how she can't get any attention/anger for the ways in which she's wronged him, but when he finds out that Meridith is dating the vet, he can't talk to her anymore. Sheesh. Then in comes Chief to tell her that she needs to keep her personal problems out of the halls and ears of the hospital. Christ, cut the woman some slack--she's just admitted to herself and her husband that it doesn't matter how much she loves Derek or how much he wants to make the marriage work because he's the "good guy" because the marriage isn't working because he just doesn't care enough about her.

And a two hour finale tonight. Quanity, not quality. I'm down.

Friday, May 12, 2006

Taco Bell Signs Former College Basketball Star to Record Two-Month, $5.15-An-Hour Contract

October 29, 1997 Issue 32•13 Onion Sports

NEWARK, NJ—A downtown Taco Bell announced Monday the signing of Antwaine Hooks, the Most Valuable Player of University of Connecticut's 1995-96 basketball team. The record-setting eight-week contract, worth an estimated $1,560, is the lowest ever signed by an All-American.

Taco Bell store manager Roy DiNardo (right) welcomes draftee Antwaine Hooks to the team. The former college All-American is expected to start immediately.

"At Connecticut, Antwaine was a key member of a team that won two Big East basketball titles," said Roy DiNardo, manager of the Grove Street store. "I'm pleased to say that here at Taco Bell, he'll be joining another winning team."

Hooks, 19, a Newark native who as a sophomore last year averaged 19.3 points and 8.4 rebounds, was drafted by the Sacramento Kings in the 1997 NBA Draft, but failed to make the team. He was subsequently cut from the New Jersey Nets practice squad.

The 6' 10" Hooks is expected to start immediately for his new team. "His first day is tomorrow, and I plan to have him in there from the get-go," said Reggie Witherspoon, the store's assistant day-shift manager. "Lashonda [Ewell] called in sick, so he'll be alternating between the grill and dining-area wipedown in the morning, and I'm going to start training him on register in the afternoon. From what I've seen of Hooks, he looks like he could be a serious impact cashier."

With store profits down 15 percent since the opening of a Burger King across the street six months ago, the struggling Grove Street franchise needs someone to turn it around. And many believe Hooks can be that franchise player. "This is a guy who's going to do it all for Taco Bell," New York Times columnist Robert Lipsyte said. "Friendly demeanor, reliability, thoroughly washed hands—Antwaine Hooks is the total package."

Hooks, meanwhile, is determined not to let the pressure get to him. "I've just got to go out there and do what I gotta do, you know?" he said. "I mean, if that means restocking the cooler, taking drive-thru orders, working the sour-cream gun or, you know, whatever, Antwaine Hooks is going to go out there and be relaxed and do whatever it takes to get the Grove Street Taco Bell back on top."

The record-breaking minimum-wage deal bests the previous low, a $5.50-an-hour, three-month contract offered by a Covington, KY, Dairy Queen to Jerrod Dawes, the University of Louisville's point guard from 1993 to 1996. But it has nevertheless led some to question whether Hooks' services will actually be worth $5.15 an hour.

"It's outrageous," New York Daily News sports columnist Mike Lupica said. "I mean, to throw that kind of money at a kid straight out of college with literally no professional fast-food experience is ridiculous. Here's a guy who's never made a chicken soft taco or seven-layer burrito supreme in his life, and yet, before even his first day of training, they're hailing him as the franchise savior. Whatever happened to people having to prove themselves?"

But Leigh Rosenhaus, the agent who represents Hooks, said the contract represented "fair market value" for what Hooks can offer.

"There is no doubt that Antwaine will make this Taco Bell the place for Newark residents to go to enjoy hot, tasty food in a pleasant atmosphere," Rosenhaus said. "Antwaine is an exciting, marquee server who will put people in the booths."

Man Going to Taco Bell 'With Or Without You'

July 23, 2003 Issue 39•28

BOWLING GREEN, OH—After a series of delays, Josh Brooks, 29, reportedly informed his two roommates Monday evening that he was going to Taco Bell with or without them.

"I'm going," said Brooks, a distribution manager for the Bowling Green Sentinel-Tribune. "You guys don't have to come. But if you want to, I'm going, like, now. I'm grabbing my keys, then I'm out of here."

Brooks first proposed a trip to the Taco Bell restaurant on East Wooster St. at 6:13 p.m., echoing the popular ad campaign of the Mexican fast-food giant with his suggestion that the three friends "make a run for the border."

"Look, I don't have all night," Brooks said. "But if you guys want to come with me... to get some delicious hot Mexican food..."

Roommates Tony Solomon, 26, and Ron Alexander, 25, reportedly expressed lukewarm interest in the excursion.

"Yeah, man—I guess I could go for a Steak Soft Taco or something," Solomon said, without looking up from the television. "Yeah, I guess I'll go."

Alexander's interest in the meal was coupled with serious reservations.

"I should get out of the house for a while, but I'm pretty broke," he said, walking to his bedroom. "I'll go look for some change."

After several minutes of watching his roommates' preparations, Brooks said again that he was in no mood to wait.

"Tone, you don't need the jacket," Brooks told Solomon, who had begun to search the floor around the couch for clothing. "Let's just go. It's 10 minutes away. We'll be in the car the whole time. Round trip'll take 30 minutes, tops. C'mon."

"You don't need your warm-ups, Beckham," Brooks added, sighing. "Listen, I'm out of here in two minutes whether you guys are with me or not."

Gathering his wallet and keys, Brooks relocated to the area by the front door.

"Ronnie, I'll buy you a taco if you want," Brooks said, calling into the back bedroom. "I'm getting old here. I'm not going to bring anything back, so if you want it, you gotta come. Now."
Continued Brooks: "Or not. Whatever. I just thought we'd talked about how we all wanted to go. Just make up your minds, kids, 'cause the train's leaving the station."

"Okay!" Brooks said, clapping his hands as Alexander emerged from the bedroom. "It's TB time."

In spite of the announcement, the group did not leave.

"Just a sec," Solomon said, finally rising from the couch. "I gotta clean up, then we can go."

According to Brooks, this is not the first time Solomon has further delayed the group by wasting time he could have been using to get ready.

"He just sits there and does nothing," Brooks said to Alexander. "Just lays on his ass until I make him move. If it weren't for me, that guy would never leave the house. I can't spend my day just waiting for him. If he isn't out here in two minutes, we're leaving without him."

In spite of the pronouncement, Brooks rarely, if ever, leaves the apartment alone after such a threat. According to Solomon, Brooks feels the need to "decide every last thing we do."

"It's like last month, when we were throwing this party," Solomon said later. "He begged me to go with him to the store to buy the beer. We got there, and before I knew it he was standing at the register with two cases of MGD in cans. He was like, 'Look, man, we're getting MGD cans. That's all there is to it.'"

Added Solomon: "I mean, I like MGD, but he didn't have to be a dick about it."

Dr. Janice Shoreham, a psychiatrist and adjunct professor at Bowling Green State University, said Brooks' behavior is characteristic of an altruistic dominant male in a household of twentysomethings.

"[Brooks] sees himself as the lighthouse, and his less-motivated friends as ill-fated ships, cruising toward the rocks," Shoreham said. "If he doesn't lead them to safety, or in this case a delicious Seven Layer Burrito, he feels he has let them down."

Brooks disagreed.

"I really don't care if you guys come or not," Brooks said, opening the front door. "That's it—I'm heading out. I'm vapor. I've been ready, and I'm leaving."

Added Brooks: "I'm not kidding. I'm leaving now. Are you guys coming or what?"

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Taco Bell's Five Ingredients Combined in Totally New Way

October 14, 1998 Issue 34•11

LOUISVILLE, KY–With great fanfare Monday, Taco Bell unveiled the Grandito, an exciting new permutation of refried beans, ground beef, cheddar cheese, lettuce, and a corn tortilla. "You've never tasted Taco Bell's five ingredients combined quite like this," Taco Bell CEO Walter Berenyi said. "The revolutionary new Grandito, with its ground beef on top of the cheese but under the beans, is configured unlike anything you've ever eaten here at Taco Bell." The fast-food chain made waves earlier this year with its introduction of the Zestito, in which the beans are on top of the lettuce, and the Mexiwrap, in which the tortilla is slightly more oblong.

Taco Bell Launches New 'Morning After' Burrito [Take that, Bill Frist]

March 12, 1997 Issue 31•09

PURCHASE, NY—Hot on the heels of last week's FDA approval, on Monday PepsiCo subsidiary Taco Bell launched its controversial "morning after" burrito, a zesty, Mexican-style entree that prevents unwanted pregnancies if ingested within 36 hours following intercourse.

Developed by a team of top Taco Bell gynecologists, the $1.99 "ContraceptiMelt" burrito creates an inhospitable environment within the womb, causing fertilized ovum tissue to be flushed from the body.

Also available are ContraceptiMelt Supremes, featuring sour cream and extra cheese.

Taco Bell officials are excited about the offering. "In the past, before Roe v. Wade, young women literally had to 'make a run for the border' to terminate an unwanted pregnancy," Taco Bell public relations director Grant Lesko said. "But now, women can make that same run for the border at over 7,300 convenient locations right in their own hometowns."

Possible side effects of the new birth-control snack item include weight gain, stomach upset and gas, the same as with all other Taco Bell products.

"The new ContraceptiMelt is a safe, effective alternative to traditional forms of birth control that must be administered before intercourse," Lesko said. "Plus, it's delicious."

Customers who wish to purchase a ContraceptiMelt will be required to meet briefly for consultation with a registered Taco Bell counselor/cashier. The counselor will ring up the customer's order and collect money for it, then provide change, before being allowed to administer the ContraceptiMelt.

Additionally, a five- to ten-minute waiting period may be necessary during high-volume "busy periods" in the restaurant, depending on the length of the line.

"Late afternoon, like 3 p.m., is usually a good time to come in," said Gerry Frankel, an Arlington, VA, Taco Bell counselor/cashier.

While the new burrito is legal and available in all 50 states, parental-consent laws in 37 states require minors who wish to purchase the ContraceptiMelt to obtain permission from a parent or legal guardian—unless they order a side of Cinnamon Crisps and a large beverage.

Taco Bell vice-president of product research and development Marvin Sekuler expects the new product to be tremendously successful.

"All of our test marketing and demographic research indicates that among 14- to 22-year-old females, there is great demand for a quick, relatively painless termination of unwanted pregnancy via spontaneously induced rejection of fertilized, pre-fetal tissue from the uterine canal," Sekuler said. "Plus, 14- to 22-year-olds love delicious, Mexican-style fast-food products. We're thrilled that our newest menu item can meet both these important needs in a lip-smacking, tasty way."

While he hopes that many young women will purchase the new burrito, Sekuler stressed that the decision to terminate a pregnancy is an individual one.

"We are in no way advocating any particular view on this most sensitive of issues," he said. "We simply want to offer this option. And, of course, we fully respect our customers who decide to carry their babies to term. In fact, I'd like to point out that Taco Bell offers a wide variety of non-contraceptive menu items that can provide the crucial nutrients—such as mild sauce, shredded cheddar and beef—that a growing fetus needs to develop properly."

Sekuler noted that every pregnacy terminated by the Taco Bell ContraceptiMelt comes with a special guarantee.

"If any one of our customers becomes pregnant after consuming our new burrito, the Taco Bell Corporation will, guaranteed, hire that person to work for us at $6.25 per hour," he said. "Taco Bell's competitive, above-minimum-wage salaries; flexible schedules; and fun, team-oriented atmosphere make it the ideal place for a young, single mother, enabling her to provide for herself and her children with uninsured subsistence living."

Pending FDA approval, Taco Bell plans to follow up the ContraceptiMelt with the RU-486 MexiCarriage Deluxe. Already legal in France, the MexiCarriage Deluxe costs $1.59 if purchased during the first MexiMester, $1.79 during the second and $1.99 during the third.

The Onion: All WEEK Long

I have to devote the rest of the week to Onion articles and honestly this decision isn't fueled by laziness. The Onion archives are rich with Taco Bell admiration and satire. I must share.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

The Onion Loves Taco Bell, Part 2

I know I am testing y'all's attention span with two Onion articles, back to back (it tested mine), but this one is soooooooooooo funny that I add to paste it!

Fox Disappointed In Low Ratings For New Sitcom Eat At Taco Bell

May 6, 1998 Issue 33•17
LOS ANGELES—Despite their "great disappointment" in the show's low ratings, Fox executives announced Monday that they are standing by the four-week-old sitcom Eat At Taco Bell.

The series, which focuses on the lives of seven New York City twentysomethings who meet at a neighborhood Taco Bell each day to eat and hang out, has averaged less than a three share in the Nielsen ratings since its April 3 debut.

"We really had high hopes for this sitcom, and we still do," said Fox vice-president of programming Jonathan Bosch. "I'm confident that, with a little retooling and a possible time-slot change, Eat At Taco Bell will find its audience. Before long, millions of Americans will be tuning in each week to watch Lisa, Matt and the rest of the gang get into crazy adventures, talk about love and sex, and eat delicious Taco Bell food."

Bosch spoke highly of next week's episode, in which the ever-scheming Andre gets into hot water when he has dates with two different women on the same night at Taco Bell.

"All heck breaks loose when Andre has to run back and forth to opposite sides of the restaurant, struggling to keep track of the conversations he's having, and trying to eat a Double Decker Taco Supreme with one date and a Chili Cheese Burrito with the other," Bosch said. "Let's just say that, by the end of the evening, Andre has had more than his fill of mischief—and delicious Taco Bell food."

Also on the horizon, Bosch said, is an episode in which Melanie pretends to be a Taco Bell employee to impress a date.

"When Melanie sneaks into the food-preparation area and tries to make a Seven-Layer Burrito untrained, it's complete pandemonium," Bosch said. "And it's all because she wanted her date to think she worked in a fun atmosphere with flexible hours and competitive wages."

While Eat At Taco Bell finished a respectable 21st in the Nielsen ratings its first week, it has since slipped dramatically. Last week, it finished an abysmal 109th, beating only WB's The Parent 'Hood and CBS's Buy Sherwin-Williams Paint.

In an effort to boost ratings, Eat At Taco Bell producers have scheduled numerous guest appearances for upcoming episodes, including Living Single star Queen Latifah, who will drop by the restaurant later this month to enjoy a Mexican Pizza and small drink with the gang.

Other celebrities slated to appear in coming weeks include David Alan Grier, Knots Landing supervixen Donna Mills, and Star Trek's George Takei, who stirs up big trouble when he challenges Rebecca to a Tostada-eating contest.

Despite the low ratings, Eat At Taco Bell advertisers are maintaining their support of the struggling program.

"We believe this is a quality show that deserves to be seen. And, as such, we will continue to demonstrate our strong faith in Eat At Taco Bell by advertising on it," Pepsico CEO Christopher Burwell said. "I am confident that, given the opportunity, this bold and daring new program can revitalize the sitcom format in much the same way that Steak and Chicken Gorditas are revitalizing the old-fashioned taco."

The Onion Loves Taco Bell

Per usual, The Onion nails an article that resinates with all. I'm actually questioning my sanity--did i write this article without realizing it? I had a very similar experience in the sole Taco Bell in Vermont.

Food-Court Taco Bell Not As Good, Area Man Reports

June 29, 2005 Issue 41•26
ERIE, PA—Fast-food consumer Don Turnbee announced Monday that the Taco Bell in the Millcreek Mall food court is "not as good" as regular, full-service Taco Bell restaurants.

Turnbee, a frequent patron of the full-service Taco Bell on Buffalo Road, encountered the scaled-down version of the Mexican-style franchise Sunday afternoon while waiting for his wife Shelly to complete her shopping.

"It was so-so," Turnbee told reporters outside the mall. "It's not as nice as the one I usually go to. This one had tacos and burritos, but no Double Decker Tacos."

Unlike a regular Taco Bell, the Millcreek Taco Bell Express has a reduced menu that does not offer many of the choices or add-on options to which Turnbee is accustomed, including the carne asada steak upgrade.

"I tried to add steak to something, and the girl got mad," Turnbee said. "I guess maybe she was tired of people ordering stuff they didn't have."

Turnbee finally settled on a Combo Burrito and a large Pepsi, but said he found the burrito's taste to be "kind of off."

"[The Combo Burrito] wasn't as good as normal," Turnbee said. "I don't know. The beef was crumbly, I guess."

"It seemed dry," he added.

Although the regular and express Taco Bells share an ingredients supplier, the dryness of Turnbee's burrito might have resulted from Taco Bell Express policy, which requires that five Combo Burritos be ready under the food lamps at lunchtime.

Turnbee's dissatisfaction also extended to the layout of the food court. Accustomed to the Buffalo Road restaurant's bright dining area with vaulted ceiling, sturdy booths, and a fully stocked napkin, condiment, and straw counter, Turnbee was dismayed by the food court's long lines and ill-defined, drafty space. Forced to walk far from the Taco Bell kiosk to the other side of the packed food court, he said he was displeased by the narrow width of his table and found his chair to be rickety and unstable. Huge potted palm trees placed throughout the food court blocked Turnbee's vision and gave him a vaguely claustrophobic feeling.

"I like a booth," Turnbee said.

Turnbee also found fault with the food court's shared condiments counter, which lacked forks and hot sauce.

"I went without," Turnbee said. "It seemed like too big a production to go all the way back to the Taco Bell and ask for hot sauce."

Turnbee was disturbed by the clash of food odors in the dining area. Seated next to a shopper who had ordered from Wok 'n' Roll, a Chinese-food vendor, Turnbee found that the odor of broccoli interfered with the taste of his burrito.

"I don't like broccoli, and I didn't like having to smell it while I was trying to eat," Turnbee said. "They should divide the dining area into different sections so people who order from different stalls don't eat together."

Turnbee's 20-minute ordeal ended when his wife Shelly discovered him behind a large potted palm.

"Shelly was mad that I ate when I knew she was defrosting steaks for dinner," Turnbee said. "I didn't argue."

Turnbee discarded the remainder of his burrito and soda, something the veteran fast-food patron "doesn't normally do," according to wife Shelly.

"Don doesn't normally like to come with me to the mall, either, but he likes this type of sock they sell at Sears," Shelly said.

Turnbee said that, while he has no plans to eat at the mall Taco Bell in the near future, a return visit is not out of the question.

"I guess I'd probably eat there again, if push came to shove and there was no other Taco Bell around," Turnbee said.

Monday, May 08, 2006

With Taco Bell

Without Taco Bell

Nicole Richie Tries to Gain Weight

I did not request a subscription to Vanity Fair. Yet I have received issues of the magazine, addressed to me, for the past two months. I cannot explain it, but it enabled to me to read the article of the hour: Nicole Richie admits that she is "too thin". No, she doesn't admit to having a eating disorder. Apparently, she stops eating when stressed, and her December engagement break-off with DJ AM sent her over the edge (I guess this is where she went from eating nothing to eating even more nothing).

She realized that she had lost too much weight and needed to gain some back. She tried and tried but couldn't. So, worried that something was wrong, she began seeing doctors and nutritionists, who are helping her. Supposedly. I don't see a difference. Nicole waived her patient/doctor confidentially rights so that Vanity Fair could speak to her doctors. After some pause, they did, reporting that they have yet to declare her an anorexic although her weight is in the "realm of anoxeria". no shit?

So how is she trying to gain weight? The answer brings me to the very point of this posting. The night before the interview, she proudly reported that she had TACO BELL. The girl doesn't eat for a year and when she does, she decides to start with Taco Bell (and a chocolate bar earlier in the day). Okay, she's probably lying, but she decided to go with the Taco Bell lie which means it's her dream meal, right? Or something like that. Well, good luck to you, Nicole. May the crunchwrap be with you.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

A Petition of Utmost Importance

Green sauce: someone wants to bring it back (was it ever really here? is it really gone? would i even like it? who knows but i want it!)

A Stranger's Green Sauce Story

Erin found this story online yesterday. It's a little long. I wish I could cut it down, but since I initially tried skimming it and was confused, you must read in full. The green sauce doesn't make its hallowed entrance until the end BUT it the punchline of the story. SO enjoy:

The Speed Zone (1997)
God love the stupid executives of Taco Bell. The latest stunt by the good people that brought us such great things as the 7-layer burrito, wild sauce, and the 4am drive thru, tops all. Taco Bell has come up with something they call the Speed Zone. For those unaware, here is how the promotion works:
Monday - Friday before 8pm Taco Bell must deliver your order of $5 or less in under 60
seconds. The clock starts as soon as you pull up to the window. If they fail to beat the clock, the customer gets a $5 gift certificate to that location.

When I first read the rules I thought "This is insane, they can't pull this off!". For the record, I've never waited less than 3 minutes at my Taco Bell over by West Shore. Once I waited over 20 minutes. It isn't bothersome, it's something I've grown to expect. Taco Bell is penny for penny the best VALUE of any restaurant. But going to Taco Bell for speed would be as dumb as going to Burger King for nutrition. TB is just about value. For $1.48 I can get 2 bean burritos, 'make believe hot sauce' and a fresh cup of Tampa tap water. Yum!

Taco Bell has always been a little off in everything it does. It's sort of cute how they rarely get an order right. When they make a 7-layer that resembles road kill more than food, it makes me laugh. Taco Bell is the Forrest Gump of business. Clueless with a big heart. Now they believe they are FAST. Time to prove them wrong and get some free food in the process.

Today, I tested the Speed Zone at the great West Shore Taco Bell. It almost seemed like an unfair fight. Here was I, an experienced Taco Bell customer ready to go toe-to-toe with some new hires. I didn't need to read the menu, there would be no hesitation on my part. I knew my strategy from the start. High volume with a twist. As a pisco-vegetarian I choose the low priced bean burrito as my weapon. My special request would be "sauce switch". This is a technique where the red sauce is removed and a side of green sauce is prepared. This almost always causes a line to lock up. Also, by doing this I side stepped the chance they could have pulled out a bean burrito from the heat lamp. Now they had to make the order right then, there would be no 9am 200 degree burritos thrown in my bag. Going for the green sauce creates a mask of confusion amongst the workers. I knew the green sauce was kept away from the make table and often the person on register doesn't know where it is stored. This is what I was counting on, I had done my homework. It was now time to execute the plan.

At 4:55 pm I struck. Hitting them in the middle of a shift change would surely catch them off guard. The drive thru was empty so I went for it. "4 bean burritos, no red sauce, with green sauce on the side". I floored the car until I got to the window. The clock had started. As I handed the $3 over I noticed the inside of the store was empty. Not a good sign. More resources could be devoted to my order. The clock ticked past 40 seconds. Keep going, just a little longer! Maybe I should have ordered 6 burritos, I would have still be under $5. The clock was now at 55 seconds and there was no movement inside. Bring it on home! I had won. They forfeited the $5 prize. I had worked and planned long and hard. Now I was rewarded for that work.

Thank you Taco Bell for giving me a playground to match wits. I'll probably be around tomorrow, the next day, and the day after. You'll win a few, but I'll win more. And in the end I'll have enough burritos in my freezer to feed me for months.

Now, I don't entirely approve of the little respect this guy (it's clearly a guy,right?) gives Taco Bell. Yes, Taco Bell and I have had our run-ins. Yes, I've been jipped of beans and sauce and cheese and cents in the past but even with these incidents, I would not call Taco Bell the "Forrest Gump of business." This guy clearly hasn't read the biography of Glen Bell, Jr, the master of burgers, tak-OHs, and Bell Gardens. OKay, i haven't made it past page 23, but I will, especially because the next chapter is entitled "Hobo Adventures"! Can you imagine what delight this phase of young Glen's life will bring?

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

The Green Sauce

Yes, the infamous green sauce we've heard about via the Taco Bell website. No one has ever had it. No one had even heard of it. It has the status of the McDonalds cinnamon rolls during the early 90s...they weren't on the menu (i don't know if they are now), but if you ordered one, your request would be granted with a huge roll, dripping with icing and cinnamon. oooh, they were good, folks.

but back to the green sauce. last friday, erin ordered her typical bean burrito sans onions had this exchange with the Taco Bell worker:

TB: what kind of sauce do you want?
Erin: the green sauce
TB: we don't have that here
Erin: where do you have it?
TB: FAR from here

"Here" was Salem, Mass. So what's far? Boston? DC? California? Heaven?

Monday, May 01, 2006

Grey's Anatomy: Sunday, April 30

FINALLY, right? It's been weeks since we've had something new. The last one was really, really good--much better than it'd been of late. But I have to admit, the few weeks I went without a new episode lessened my interest in the show. I know, I know, maybe that makes me a fair-weather friend, and I have no excuses.

That said, I am still up for discussing last night's episode.

I loved the peak of the episode, wherein we saw shots of 3-4 different storylines rotating. very nice and intense.

But to break it down:

Meridith--oh Meridith, you are an idiot. I don't know how I am going to defend you after your performance last night. Why in the world would she act like such a bumbling fool in front of Chris O'Donnell...and go on and on about how she's knitting, not dating. If this scene was reality, not a night-time drama, he would have been out the door, having pegged her as CRAZY. which she clearly is. So she turns down this hot vet and goes on her way to work and realizes "oh maybe that was a dumb decision" so she returns to the vet's office wherein she again loses all ability to talk and act like a normal person. They go off to birth a horse. Good times. Not a date--just an errand. THen he invites her upstairs for a shower. separate showers and promises that he will not have sex with her even if she loses all willpower, as she assumes she will. same room with a man=sex. next week she says to derek: you can't call me a whore. no he can't. but we can. so off she goes and showers alone in his apartment, only to come down the stairs, hair wet, man's shirt on (oh, she needed new clothes and a shower because of the horse birthing and all. the vet, on the other hand, completely clean). and in walks derek with doc the dog (what a BAD name) who is sick again and he looks at meridith with some disgust...or disappointment...or jealously? probably all. shock, certainly.

derek and addison: so after he witnesses meridith at vet's, he returns to the trailor to a complaining addison to insist that they have hot sex in the shower (this following a morning attempt at good sex...not successful). so why did seeing meridith cause this reaction? he realizes both women he loves are sluts so he might as well try to make it work (really try) with the one he's married to. or because he thinks this is revenge upon meridith. or maybe he's so filled with rage at himself for giving meridith up that he is trying to focus on why, oh why, he gave it all up. who knows? do we care anymore? addison, though, she is growing on me. what with trying to help out a patient and when alex turns on her...well, she won't let that little punk win this power struggle.

alex: he is sooo leaving at the end of this year.

george and izzy and denny: fine, whatever, boring. denny is going to kick it. baily is not pleased with izzy. understandably. george and izzy are friends again. george has moved back to meridith's. he and izzy and his new girl callie are all eating cookies and opening beers.

burke: he and christina are still great.

i don't know if i am missing anything. maybe i was too tired and didn't take in the new episode as lovingly as normal.

so what's going to happen on the season finale?

i'm feeling a little too indifferent right now to make an educated guess. hopefully next week's episode will inspire me.