Keep Your Fingers Crossed

That there will be no startling news on the Taco Bell front until 2007: no new E-Coli outbreaks, no delicious new menu items, no celeb sightings in drive-thrus. I will be MIA on the blogfront til early 2007. if things occur that you need to discuss, please email or add to comments of this post. i will address all issues in due time.

Til then, have a lovely rest of 2006 and introduction to 2007.

E-Coli What?

It seems that Americans' tendency toward the short term will benefit Taco Bell.

The latest poll is deemed optimistic:

Poll indicates Taco Bell recovery
Dec 20, 2006, 14:30 GMT


NEW YORK, NY, United States (UPI) -- The recent E. coli incident at Taco Bell affected business but the restaurant chain received high marks for how it handled the crisis, a new poll says.

About 1-in-3 frequent fast-food customers say they plan to eat less often at Taco Bell, or not at all, a survey by Sandelman & Associates, a food service research firm, shows.

But, USA Today reported the online poll also shows most respondents like what the fast-food group did after the outbreak that sickened 71 people. Seventy-five percent rated Taco Bell`s response as 'good,' 'very good' or 'excellent.'

Bob Sandelman, chief executive officer of the research firm, said the outbreak is affecting business but 'Taco Bell appears to be on the road to recovery.'


Let's look at this poll: 33% of respondents will eat at Taco Bell less often or not at all. And yet...only 25% deem Taco Bell not 'good', 'very good', or 'excellent'. hmmmm.

However, 75% percent loving Taco Bell, more or less! sweet. i don't think most fast food restaurants would have such a high percentage.

K-Fed: I Love You

There are lots of kinds of love: love for close family members, love for sorta close family members, love for best friends, love for friends, love for former friends, love for pets, love for "in love" purposes, love for cities, love for music, love for food, love for people who still send letters, love for reading, love for cheesy romantic comedies, and, as we will discuss today, love for celebrities.

As faithful readers of this blog and those close to me know, i love celebrity gossip. This is a relatively newfound love. At a job I had a few years ago, copies of US Weekly and People would circulate through the 4 office floors. I like the communal feeling it provided, especially during the days which so bored me, i thought i might melt into my internetless computer. However, at this point, the celebrity discussion remained a workplace distraction.

Then John Kerry lost the election in 2004. I needed a full-on distraction. I needed a topic of conversation to which everyone could relate that would not prompt angry discussions. Even in DC where most people are Democrats, there is such a variety of intense political opinions that I had to let the propensity for discussing politics go. And what better to replace it with than celebrities. Brad and Jen split at the beginning of 2005, leaving plenty to discuss--feelings and speculation. was it angie's fault? was jen to bent on having a career over family? was brad an ass (yes)? etc.

And since I have been able to blog about Nicole, Paris, Brit, and KFed because of their devotion to Taco Bell. Making a connection with people wherein one wouldn't imagine it possible.

And with Brit and KFed's marriage over, the news has been all fun and games. Like reading this article on People.com first thing this morning. The crazy things that FKed feels and says are better than anyone could create.

Enjoy:

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20005008,00.html

Kevin Federline Trash Talks WWE Champ
WEDNESDAY DECEMBER 20, 2006 07:45 AM EST

By Stephen M. Silverman

Federline on Oct. 18

Kevin Federline is ready for a fight.

The estranged husband of Britney Spears is scheduled to face World Wrestling Entertainment champion John Cena in the ring on New Year's Day in Miami – and is already talking like he's the winner.

"The real Kevin Federline never backs down from a challenge," Federline said Monday night at Washington, D.C.'s Verizon Center, where a WWE extravaganza was taking place, The Washington Post's "Reliable Source" column reports.

Federline, who earlier this fall signed with the WWE to appear in some staged fights and was even body slammed by Cena in October, was there to promote his New Year's Day face-off.

And though the rapper is poised to for an uphill battle with Spears over custody of the couple's two children – Sean Preston, 1, and Jayden James who was born Sept. 12 – the 28-year-old says he'll be the victor when he meets the 6,1", 240-lb. Cena in the ring.

"Make all your jokes, because New Year's Day I'm the one who is going to be laughing," Federline shouted to Monday's crowd – which, according to The Post, booed him, except for two women upfront who extended their hands.

He also had an announcement for his rival. "Oh yeah, Cena, my name is not K-Fed, it's Kevin Federline, bitch, and I want some and I'm gonna get some."

Spears filed for divorce from Federline on Nov. 6 after two years of marriage. Both Spears and Federline have asked for sole custody of their two sons.

Countering the E-Coli Scare

Taco Bell didn't do a great job assuring people that they would not eat some e-coli if they visited Taco Bell--what with is it the green onions, the lettuce, the pork, who the hell knows. It was the government's fault for not finding the source of the problem, of course. when in doubt, blame it on the man.

so yeah, TB has some issues it will need to contend with to convince Americans that they can safely eat its burritos and crunchwraps and gorditas.

I came across this blog today:

http://shanebrown.blogspot.com/2006/12/column-taco-bell.html

As you will see when you read Shane Brown's column on Taco Bell, apparently TB is now saying "hi. how are you?" when a customer pulls up to the drive thru window. To avoid plagerism charges, i must simply direct you to his site to read more about this new greeting and the result. i will say, though, that i think perhaps this seemingly friendly greeting is what the higher-ups have decided will slowly pull customers back to Taco Bell.

But may i also suggest price slashing?

i Can't Not Post This News

As many of you know, I do a remarkable job at staying on task with this blog. Even when the posts aren't entirely devoted to Taco Bell, they usually tie Taco Bell to politics or celebrities or my cats or something equally disconnected...and yet not at all.

But today I read this article and it's pretty whacked so i am going to paste it and discuss it.

http://today.reuters.com/news/articlenews.aspx?type=oddlyEnoughNews&storyid=2006-12-19T162740Z_01_L19309213_RTRUKOC_0_US-HUSBAND.xml&src=rss

Injured man wins damages for sex overdrive
Tue Dec 19, 2006 11:18am ET

LONDON (Reuters) - A devout Christian who said an accident at work boosted his libido and wrecked his marriage as he turned to prostitutes and pornography was awarded more than 3 million pounds ($5.89 million) in damages Tuesday.

Stephen Tame, 29, from Suffolk, suffered severe head injuries in a fall, transforming him from a loyal newlywed into a "disinhibited" character who had two affairs.

He was in a coma for two months after falling from a gantry while working at a bicycle warehouse shortly after his marriage in January 2002. Doctors said it was a miracle he survived.

Awarding him 3.1 million pounds in compensation at London's High Court, Judge Michael Harris said: "His life and the life of his young wife were shattered."

His former employer, Professional Cycle Marketing, of Essex, had argued through their lawyers that his injuries were not as bad as suggested in court.


That's right folks--this man received over $5 million for CHEATING on his wife, blaming it on his accident. Newsflash: men cheat ALL the time. devout christians cheat but have to blame someone or something else for it so that they can convince themselves they are not going to burn in hell. Chances that this fellow either cheated, planned on cheating, or at least wanted to cheat pre-accident are good considering 95% percent of men fall into that category. Most just aren't lucky enough to get paid for it. Shouldn't his wife have received some money, too? After all, her marriage was ruined but she wasn't running around, trying to have sex with everyone as her husband did in his oversexed craze.

And a question: it says he turned to prostitutes and had two affairs. do you think he only turned to two prostitutes and those are the two affairs OR did he turn to prostitutes aplenty AND have affairs with two non-prostitutes? I think the press release insinuates the latter which means that yet again this mancheater is getting away with even more than we initially believed.

ass.

To Reiterate...

I know we've almost talked Barak Obama's status as "delicious as an enchirito" to death BUT i want to emphasize his standing as such.

I am currently reading his new book "The Audacity of Hope." As much as I am suspicious of politicians (see previous post)--Republicans much more so than Democrats but Democrats nonetheless (Harry Reid, Joe Lieberman...please), I am quite smitten with Obama. And perhaps reading this book doesn't add new qualities for which I love him (intelligence, empathy, charm, articulation, thoughtfulness, writing and speaking skills, and, well yeah, good looks), it does add depth to those qualities and further endear me. And so it is with this growing knowledge that i will say he is perhaps more delicious than an enchirito.

Conspiracy Theory

Only in the last few years have I become the occasional conspiracy theorist. I put 100% of the blame on the bush administration. i was previously inclined toward cynicism, skepticism, inability to trust most everyone but apparently it takes a war based on lies and the patriot act to push a girl to develop a real believe in some conspiracies.

you may have noticed an ability to post comments on my blog in the last week or two. some have alerted me to this fact. when whipcreamy mentioned it to me yesterday, we wondered if perhaps taco bell is in cahoots with google to lessen the impact of the e-coli scandal by censoring commentary. while i have mostly still highlighted the deliciousness of taco bell (albeit while noting their stinginess with the sauce packets), perhaps they are acting on the "no news is good news" theory. i, for one, do not appreciate it and will attempt to get to the bottom of scandal #2 asap. (which, admitly, might not be until 2007).

A Topic: Gift Cards

Yesterday, NPR did a piece on gift cards: who uses them, when they are appropriate to give, whether they are received with open arms, do they actually get used, why are they better than money, etc. it was interesting.

whipcreamy had heard the report as well. so we had a discussion. ultimately, we decided that they are welcome from an older generation (family) or work and would only be acceptable from friends/peers if 1. the gift card was for a store that recipient loves and 2. if the gift card was not the ONLY gift--it could be the main gift, surely, but something else to say "i am really thinking about what you would like and this is what i thought you would like best but here;s another little something to say i love you" (something like that).

and then, of course, our discussion moved to Taco Bell gift cards. we would love those. at the same time, we think giving anyone a McDonalds gift card is disgusting. unfortunately, when i started writing this post, i had in mind to upload a picture of the singer ("singer") Kelis wearing a dress made up of McD's holiday cards. it's awful. go to www.gofugyourself.com if you want to see it.

so the point of this post: gift cards: sometimes appropriate, sometimes not; mcds gift cards: never appropriate, taco bell ones: always appropriate (even from friends!).

What Now?

this e-coli business has got to come to an end.

Now folks are saying it is the LETTUCE, not the green onions, not the white onions, not the pork. if Taco Bell doesn't find the source of the problem asap or at least lie that they have, they are going to end up pulling everything on the menu, one by one, to ease customers' fears until they have nothing but mountain dew to serve.

so for the love of all things delicious, will people (taco bell, lawyers, FDA, whohaveyou) get this situation under control already?

here are my fears about the impact of this scare (and a fear other things):
1. my blog will crash and burn, top gun style (someone said that to me recently about the ending of a relationship and i quite like it).
2. assuming jay leno has told a lot of bad jokes about taco bell in recent weeks, those will continue. i do not want jay leno getting laughs at the expense of taco bell. i do not like him. he is not funny.
3. democrats are going to lose the senate because of this south dakota senator's serious illness. we just can't win even when we have.
4. the financial impact of the e-coli scare will force taco bells to shorten their hours, thereby forcing the poor urban taco bells to close at approx 7 pm.
5. sauce packets--we won't even see them in the city; the burbs will stop allowing customers to take as many as they wish.
6. Pope Bendict XVI
7. along with shortening hours, taco bell will shorten its menu. no crunchwraps? no enchiritos? no cheesy gordita crunch?
8. more taco bells connected to KFCs.
9. mean boys
10. i'll never find a fulfilling job or someone to pay me to stay at home.

wow. that was draining. i'll leave the next 10 for another day.

According to Taco Bell...

(and as printed in the Washington Post):

"As nearly half the entire U.S. adult population eats at a Taco Bell at least once a month, it's easy to understand how we might be considered associated with this illness," Taco Bell President Greg Creed said yesterday in a statement.

For real? that canNOT be true. or can it?

for the rest of this article: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/12/11/AR2006121101539.html

Late Night with Britney Spears

http://x17online.com/celebrities/britney_spears/britney_makes_a_run_for_the_border.php

check it. Thankfully Britney is not divorcing her love for Taco Bell. I'm guessing KFed and Brit, when their representatives released the cliche statements that they would always put their love for their kids first despite their break-up, they included a clause that this would also hold true for their love for Taco Bell. Sure, they shared many a grilled stuft burrito and santa fe chalupa (just guesses) together over the last few years; and sure, it might be hard to eat those TB favs without thinking about one another. kfed, thinking he should have eaten more lobster and steak when he had money; brit, wanting to throw up a little at the constant reminder that she dumped her career and reputation for a little known back up dancer who can't figure out if he is a better actor or rapper. one might at first assume that these thoughts might constantly fly through their heads but let's recall whom we are dealing with: it's unlikely.

regardless, when the day comes that these two realize they will NEVER have to think about each other ever again if they stop going to taco bell, i hope for the sake of my blog and their children, that they choose taco bell over ending the heartache. it would be like "the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind" dumbed down considerably--and with a kfed/brit soundtrack. wow.

until that wonder is thrust upon us, let's continue to enjoy the brit/paris union.

Lies?

So yesterday we heard that Taco Bells nationwide were pulling green onions from their menu. A friend a beef and potato burrito yesterday in ohio (or maybe western pennsylvania) and reportedly enjoyed the taste of the green onions. i will let you know if he becomes seriously ill.

Another Joke at the Expense of Taco Bell

For those of you who don't know the Borowitz Report, I am introducing it. I love it. I receive daily "reports" on fake funny news care of Andy Borowitz, a sometimes writer for the New Yorker and always comedian.

Today's report:

Putin Denies Being ‘Anywhere Near’ Taco Bell

Calls Linking Him to E-Coli Outbreak ‘Pure Fantasy’

Russian President Vladimir Putin lashed out today at accusers who have pointed the finger at him in recent days for the outbreak of e-coli infections at several Taco Bell restaurants in New Jersey, New York and Pennsylvania.

President Putin, already on the defensive over accusations that he poisoned former Russian spy Alexander Litvinenko with radioactive sushi, held a press conference at the Kremlin today to offer his categorical denial of any involvement in the Taco Bell poisonings.

“I have not been anywhere near Taco Bell,” a visibly angry Mr. Putin told reporters. “Anyone who says I have done so is trading in pure fantasy.”

But despite Mr. Putin’s vehement statements to the contrary, several restaurant managers of the Taco Bell chain said that they saw a balding man resembling the Russian President skulking around their restaurants in recent days.

“I saw this sneaky-looking guy in a trench coat carrying a test tube of something funky and I was like, that is totally that evil Russian dude,” said Tracy Lamant, a manager of one of the New Jersey Taco Bells that was hit by the e-coli outbreak.

But according to Davis Logsdon, who heads up the University of Minnesota’s Institute of International Espionage, it is “highly unlikely” that Mr. Putin would start the spread of e-coli at Taco Bell restaurants in order to murder former Russian spies.

“First of all, there’s no evidence that Russian spies eat American fast food,” Dr. Logsdon. “Secondly, if they do, they’ll die pretty soon anyway.”

Elsewhere, the Iraq Study Group published its report on the current state of Iraq, entitled “A Million Little Pieces.”

More on Green Onions

Whipcreamy posed a apt question yesterday: what does Taco Bell serve with green onions anyway?

the people who got E-Coli recently must have had the following:

1. 1/2 LB Beef and Potato Burrito
2. Cheesy Fiesta Potatoes
3.Nachos Supreme
4. Nachos Bellgrande
5. Mexican Rice
6. Mexican Pizza
7. Fiesta Taco Salad
8. Taco Salad Express
9. Southwest Steak Border Bowl.

A lot of stuff, eh?

The Best Thing I've Heard All Week...

I just got an urgent call from Whipcreamy.

She is going to a Barak Obama book signing on Sunday.
As some of you may recall, he was featured in an installment of "Delicious as an Enchirito?". Hands down, he was awarded a definite YES. We love him. He is cute and charming and articulate and should be our president.

The crux of the phone call: how to ask barak obama to sign a book "i am delicious as an enchirito".

i am serious. i love it. i laughed and laughed and then replied with an ernest "i have NO idea." whipcreamy certainly would ask him but she wonders if he would say no in fear that this could come out and hurt his political career--what with a black politician telling a white girl that he is delicious. the folks in tennessee fell for that fear placed in ads this past election, after all. so whip wondered: well, maybe i should explain that we talk about taco bell and politics and we really love you and we have this thing called "delicious as an enchirito" and you know, ben harper made the cut too. then she fears that he will think she and her fellow white girl friends are just blogging it up about cute african american men and enchiritos and that's an unlikely comparison but maybe that also would not do well for his political career. and if she went on to say, well george clooney and jeff tweedy are also involved then it might turn into a ramble. especially because barak and jeff have met and jeff is a BIG fan of barak obama. in fact, i've been to a show in which people yelled OBAMA/TWEEDY 08!! and if erin goes on and on about this, people in line are going to get angry--even though they are liberals and love peace and are so happy about being in the same building as Barak.

So can she ask him to sign a book as such? and if so, how? aren't we to hope he is above the political bull?

what is the limit for what politicians can sign in books? how much humbling must they allow? these are some of the most poignant questions. i am sure whipcreamy will add equally forceful ones to the comment section.

The Culprit: the Green Onion

Taco Bell is temporarily removing green onions from its ingredients after some tests showed that they containted a "harsh" strain of E-Coli. This year of 2006 has been a reality check for those of us (myself included) who have wrongly assumed E-Coli travels only in undercooked meat. Now kids everywhere have a better fight for why they shouldn't have to eat their veggies.
But I like the green onion and am sad for the tumble its (along with Taco Bell's) reputation is sure to take. Just like I was sad for spinach.

I wouldn't be sad for these vegetables:

1. cabbage
2. peas
3. turnips
4. water chestnuts.

and none of those vegetables are found in menu items at Taco Bell. Coincidence? Of course not.

So let's hope the immediate future of green onions and Taco Bell does better than spinach. Americans are bound to get lazy--there are only so many things we can handle on the "do not eat" list. Granted, this might be more difficult for many if the culprit was fried potatoes or bacon or avocados.

Delicious as an Enchirito? Installment XII

I would like to ignore this E-Coli business because it is a downer. All is usually happy go lucky in the Taco Bell world--at least the Taco Bell blog world. We talk about delicious food, celebs, horrible politicians, occasionally cute politicians, beans, cheese, Taco Bell experiences and memories. It's a wonderful outlet, especially on days when the facts of life drain almost all energy and happiness out of us. Perhaps that is dramatic. Whatevs.

So onto happy thoughts--i.e. Adam Brody. He and his girlfriend of three years have officially split. His show, the O.C., is going down the tubes. He's alone and soon to be jobless. Still delicious as an enchirito?

Probably, yes.

For the record: i did NOT create the collage posted here. some 15 year old girl probably did, but I still appreciate her art AND Adam Brody is NOT as delicious as Barak Obama but whipcreamy can at least use him as an example of a white boy we've deemed delicious when she meets him Sunday (see post two above this one if you are confused/appalled).

The New Jersey Taco Bell E-Coli Update

New Jersey didn't need this. We already wanted to avoid the turnpike and now to be skeptical of its Taco Bells. Happy Holidays, indeed.

Alas, perhaps the outbreak is under control:

http://wcbstv.com/topstories/local_story_338093100.html

Oh No...

Leave it to New Jersey to put fear in all of our hearts:

N.J. Taco Bell Stays Shut After E. coli Outbreak
New York Times
By JOHN HOLUSHA
Published: December 4, 2006

Nineteen people in New Jersey have been sickened, two of them seriously, by E. coli infections, and a Taco Bell fast food restaurant in South Plainfield, N.J., remained closed today as health investigators sought the source of their illness.

Stephanie Brown, an epidemiologist for Middlesex County, where most of the victims live, told The Associated Press today that 5 of the 19 people known to have contracted E. coli infections were in the hospital, and 2 of the 5 had developed hemolytic uremic syndrome, which can be fatal or cause permanent damage to the kidneys.

Calls to the county’s public health department today seeking further information were not immediately returned; neither were calls to Taco Bell’s corporate headquarters in Irvine, Calif. The health department scheduled a mid-afternoon news conference to report on the status of the outbreak.

“It’s a significant outbreak and it’s a serious disease,” the Middlesex County Director of Health David Papi said on Sunday. “From a public health standpoint, we’re very concerned about this.”
Those sickened ranged from one year old to 23, but most are children, according to the Newark Star-Ledger, which reported the two-week-long outbreak on Sunday.

Although the specific source of the outbreak has not been identified, in September the Food and Drug Administration issued a warning saying that E. coli contamination of fresh produce might be the cause of illness in multiple states.

Most E. coli infections cause little more than discomfort, the F.D.A. said, but in some people, especially young children and the elderly, the infection can develop into hemolytic uremic syndrome, or H.U.S.

In a September outbreak of the illness, which was traced to bagged fresh spinach from California, three people died and some 200 fell ill.

Taco Bell, with about 5,800 restaurants in the United States, some of them company-owned and others owned by franchisees, is a subsidiary of Yum Brands, which also operates KFC, Pizza Hut and other restaurant chains.