Thursday, November 09, 2006

An Update on Our Favorite Taco Bell Fanatic

Election reports and work have prevented me, til now, from blogging about our beloved KFed. He loves Taco Bell. Brit loves Taco Bell. We thought their marriage, based on this love alone, would survive any hardships inflicted upon it--i.e. stupidity, booze, cigarettes, sideways worn caps, really long shorts, corn rows, bad music, banishment to the basement, one half of the marriage enjoying the word "pimp" a little too much, etc etc.

But in news more shocking than the Dems taking over the House AND Senate (most likely), we learned this week that Brit has filed for divorce from KFed. Ingeniously, this couple is now called Fed-Ex. Hilarious. I love the combination of two names into one. The gossip media is so clever.

So Brit might finally stop getting pregnant, no longer producing kids that KFed hopes will work at Taco Bell. She appears to enjoy the single life, popping around New York in cleavage revealing attired, flirting with David Letterman.

KFed, meanwhile, is flirting with EVERYONE in Chicago. There are lots of women capable of getting pregant, and he's got to get on that list. So, from this morning, check out this article about his "concert". Seriously, his terribleness, as reported in this article, miraculously managed to shock me, and that, my friends, is what we call truly terrible. Per usual, I've highlighted the most important/amusing/terrifying parts of the article.

Kevin Federline Parties in Chicago

By Lorna Grisby and Mark Guarino

If Kevin Federline is a man mourning the demise of his marriage, he didn't show it onstage at Chicago's House of Blues Wednesday night.

Playing the role of a rap Casanova, Federline leaned into the crowd to touch the hands of women who were reaching toward him. Several songs into the set, he referenced his breakup with Britney Spears. "Hey, I see a lot of fine ladies in here," said the rapper. "You know I'm a free man, right, ladies? You wanna dance with a pimp?"

Federline kept his spirits up throughout the performance before a standing-room-only audience (tickets were being given away free), though he addressed the "haters" from the stage, as a few audience members heckled him. Still that didn't stop him from getting his newly single status across yet again: "All my ladies," he said from stage, "I love you to death!"

After the show, Federline lived up to his party boy reputation, by stopping by the Chicago hot spot, Cabaret, where he arrived just after midnight. He was escorted to a VIP section where he chatted up his entourage and danced to the thunderous music – cigarette in hand – rapping aloud when his own songs were played.

People packed the small VIP section; those who weren't allowed inside crowded around it. Federline didn't budge from the corner he occupied until just before 1 a.m. when three fans, shouting and waving at him, got his attention. He declined their request to join them on the dance floor, but did sign the three CD jackets they handed to him.

"He signed my name wrong, but I don't care. Oh my God, I love him," said Colleen Harvey whose Federline autograph read: "To Kelly Thanx 4 tha support F--- the media KF"

Around 1:25 a.m., Federline took over the microphone: "Ladies if you're drunk, let me hear you scream!" he shouted.

Later he added, "I represent the g–damned West Coast." When the crowd thinned out, Federline ordered champagne for the DJ booth, drank Jack Daniels from the bottle and let friends try on his many gold chains.

"It's a party for K Federline. Gonna rock and roll," he announced.

After leading the remaining crowed in an expletive-filled chat against the media, Federline reminded everyone that he's unattached: "He said he's a single man. He's looking for ladies," Harvey said.

And now for some comments:

1. Who is Harvey? (possibly the wingman?)

2. KFed refers to himself in the third person.

3. KFed hates the media. hmm...

4. KFed LOVES the ladies.

5. KFed LOVES the drunk ladies more.

6. KFed is looking for ladies.

7. KFed loves his gold chains.

8. KFed does not drink his Jack Daniels from a glass.


Blogger anne altman said...

"cigarette in hand – rapping aloud when his own songs were played."

i'm new to the gansta life, but i do believe it's a sin to rap aloud to your OWN tunes when they're played. makes you look like a playa done been played, right ?

11:22:00 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

i guess he fears no one else would rap his tunes...cept maybe colleen/kelly who LOVES him.

11:32:00 AM  
Blogger whipcreamy said...

he smells.

1:00:00 PM  

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