Wednesday, July 12, 2006

True Love Makes A Marriage Go Round

Yes, we are revisting Brit and KFed.

Obviously their marriage has gone down the tubes. Brit doesn't admit it even though to Matt Lauer even though US Weekly, a far more reliable source, told us that she broke down in tears when she discovered she was having another Federline. We feel you, Brit. Really, you're an idiot but we'd understand. So, please, stop telling us your marriage is not on the rocks.

SO what is keeping them together? Status? Stupidity? Southern-ness? Celebrity stubbornness? Hip-hop genius? Ambition? Money? Corn-rows? Crooked Yankee caps? Wife-beaters? Shar Jackson's "I told you so, girl. That's what you get for stealing my man while I was pregnant with his baby"? The basement Brit's exiled FKed to isn't all that bad? His lack of talent? Her lack of talent? Sean Preston? 1/2 baby on the way? Jealousy of JT's relationship with Cameron Diaz? Barefoot in the gas station bathroom fun? Dropping baby Sean on his head fun?

My theory: none of the above. Instead, true love is keeping the marriage in tact. True love for each other? No....

True love and devotion of Taco Bell.

As we covered some weeks ago, KFed intends for his one million kids to work at Taco Bell in hopes that this employment will instill a good work ethic in them. At the rate young KFed is impregnating girls, others who share his love of Taco Bell should worry: there are going to be LOTS of Federlines working at LOTS of Taco Bells. So much so that I venture to suggest the Federline line could, with its lack of intelligence and good upbringing, bring down the entire franchise. Let's just enjoy our Taco Bell while we can.

But back to the subject of love: From the above, we know that KFed loves Taco Bell.

Thanks to Ash and her freelance blog research, we discover that Brit loves Taco Bell, too:

Why Can't Stars Drop The Chalupa?

Posted Jul 11th 2006 10:41AM by TMZ Staff

Like Pavlov's dogs, Hollywood's hottest starlets start salivating like chihuahuas the second they hear the call of the bell – Taco Bell, that is. Paris Hilton confesses her love for the Nachos Bellgrande to a teeming swarm of lensmen (and obviously just can't get enough of the free drink refills) at a Hollywood location, while Nicole Richie (and then-boytoy Steve-O) make a late night run for the border after some hard partying at the Roosevelt Hotel. Not to be outdone, Britney Spears gives her baby on board just the kind of wholesome nutrition he or she needs with a vitamin-packed chalupa, while Mischa Barton tucks into a burrito to put a little (and we mean a little) meat on her bones. Now, everybody's had the occasional craving for that gloopy, cheesy, meaty Taco Bell goodness. But what could be driving these stick-thin starlets to indulge their inner frat boy with such glee to the exclusion of other fast-food options like McDonald's, Burger King, and such delicious LA staples as Del Taco and In-n-Out Burger?Could it be the round-the-clock service? The little yappy spokesdog? The low, low prices? Or maybe those incredibly annoying yet mesmerizing "Good to Go" TV spots for the Crunchwrap Supreme? Whatever secret seasoning they're putting in the ground beef, it's definitely got these girls thinking outside the bun.

Don't you see: when Brit comes back from yet another meeting with her mom and divorce lawyer, ready to serve papers to Kevin, he convinces her to put them in the shredder by dangling a chalupa and seven layer in front of her. well, that and all his charm, of course.

I don't want to start a list of similarities between Brit and myself but it is hard to resist a guy who loves Taco Bell as much as us girls. Just imagining them crying over their chicken crunchwrap, mourning the loss of the love of their lives is too much agony to endure. So then I guess we'll call that love.


Blogger Ashley said...

K-Fed isn't Southern is he? I don't want to claim him. She is enough to deal with.

9:51:00 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

no, he's from california. i guess i meant her southern-ness would keep them together. he clearly has no concerns for "family values".

10:02:00 AM  
Blogger anne altman said...

i read somewhere, but i can't be sure, that contraception prevents conception 97% of the time.

10:07:00 AM  
Blogger Ashley said...

What do you think she is eating? I figure if anyone can tell, it's you Liz.

12:53:00 PM  
Blogger whipcreamy said... looks like a small item...perhaps it's from their version of the dollar menu...burrito? choco taco?

2:14:00 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

good question, ash. erin--if only it was a chaco taco. but even if i had faith that some TBs still sold them, it's too late. i think it's a taco. a soft taco. she's preggers: shouldn't she be eating more?

you have to give it to brit: most celebs would go through the drive-thru.

3:16:00 PM  

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