Opportunity Doesn't Knock. It Rings A Bell.

This title is the slogan for the Taco Bell job application. I picked it up a few weeks ago, intending to run home and blog about it. Instead I found myself in Baltimore, forgetting all about my new career path. Now I've lost interest. However, I haven't lost interest in sharing with you all the reasons YOU (not me) should work for Taco Bell.

I love how things work out so perfectly. Yes, I was going to write a bit about this application--surely it would have been witty and well written. You know...per usual. But would there have been relevance beyond simply the subject of Taco Bell? No...and that would be okay, but as luck would have it--or, if you prefer, as a great being (or should i say "bean". hahaha. couldn't pass up that pun.) would make it--this application discussion follows in a week in which the other almighty, K-Fed, declared that his babies will one day work for Taco Bell. SO we get to put ourselves in the shoes of his offspring.

The best part of the application is, of course, the pep-talk. I've never seen this sort of advertisement in applications I've filled out for food or retail services. See, Taco Bell not only cares about their customers and employers, but they even care about prospective employers (even those that it might reject).

I am going to relay this insert. Just sit back, enjoy, and pretend your mom is Britany Spears, former pop-tart and current unemployed stay at home mom of 1,000 kids. Long ago, your dad left her, your 999 sibblings, and you for a life devoted to cigarettes, wife beaters, baseball caps, and pimpin'. Luckily, you have ambition--ambition to be a "customer maniac".

And so Straight from the page of the job application:

What is a Customer Maniac?

At TACO BELL, we know treating people right is the key to running great restaurants. That's why we're always on the lookout for Customer Maniacs. They are the people who put our customers first and keep them coming back.

And a great Customer Maniac's energy and enthusiasm get noticed by everyone in the restaurant, including your co-workers. So when you do a great job, you'll get the recognition and rewards that you deserve.

But Customer Maniacs don't act alone. When you work here, you're part of our C.H.A.M.P.S. team--a team committed to an all-out effort to exceed customer expectations. At TACO BELL, we say C.H.A.M.P.S. is the smile on our face, the cheer in our voice and a YES! attitude throughout the day.

C.H.A.M.P.S.

Cleanliness: The best environment for you and our customers.

Hospitality: Friendly, courteous service keeps customers coming back.

Accuracy: Making sure customers get exactly what they ordered.

Maintenance: Well-maintained facilities keep us looking and feeling good.

Product Quality: The same dining experience you expect when you eat out.

Speed with Service: Food delivered hot, fresh and fast makes TACO BELL's customers happy.


Obviously, not everyone has the skills and smarts to apply. Please don't fret if I've dashed your hopes. Even if you can't get a job at TB, you can eat there. In 15-20 years, just be careful not to make any snide remarks about the Federlines when you are at a Taco Bell. I hear they put mice in the burritoes.